Hi. My name is Melissa, and I talk about my feelings. No surprise there, right? Anyone who's been on my Instagram feed has heard how I feel and what I feel and why I feel about more topics than I can count. But for the past several months, that's been a challenge for me. I've been going through something deeply personal that I didn't have the words (or the courage) to say out loud. So I kept it in, hidden, while trying to talk about things as I always have, without really talking about what I needed to talk about most.
I had separated from my husband. And I, the person notorious for publicly writing her way through her feelings, didn't know how to do that, for this. I couldn't get past the word separated. It felt shameful. I felt like a failure. I was embarrassed. So many people had held our relationship up on a pedestal (including myself), and when it came toppling down I didn't know how to pick up the pieces. They were too broken to share.
Late last year, when I felt the weight of silence suffocating me, I submitted an article to Holl & Lane magazine on my decision to put myself first in this situation. I was thrilled, and terrified, when they accepted it for publication, and I held my breathe as it landed in mailboxes all over the country this past January.
And when I breathed out, I felt free.
If you'd like to read the article in it's entirety, it's available in the Courage issue of Holl and Lane Magazine, now available in print or digital format. It's a beautiful, beautiful magazine, full of stories just like mine. Here's a little snippet of what you'll find:
Throughout our five years of marriage, my husband and I had had countless discussions around the fact that divorce was not an option for us. That we were in this big, great thing called life together. And that no matter what happened, no matter what hurt we faced, we would get through it together. We were like the Titanic of relationships; we spent so much time being sure of our unsinkable-ness that we somehow missed the icebergs that were looming under the surface of happiness we seemed to float upon.
Life is a journey, friends. Sometimes beautiful. Sometimes soul crushing. And often somewhere in between. No matter where you current steps take you, I hope you'll share it, even if it's scary. You never know who needs to hear it.